Rather odd meme

Recently, Joanna tagged me to do a seven things meme. I was trying to come up with something random, when I came across this at Pea Soup. It struck me as totally random, so I'm doing it instead. Rule bender? Me? Never.

What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
None! Before you faint with shock, we have a separate shower (which I prefer) so baths are strictly of the bubble variety only.

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Er, no. And I didn't even have to check!

What would you change about your living room?
I'd have a wood burning stove in it.

Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty. It's not full.

What is in your fridge?
Gherkins, olives, 3 different jams, 3 different mustards, wine, milk, butter, wasabi, capers, pickled onions, ketchup, mayonnaise, miso paste, yoghurt, one sad lone jelly, innocent smoothies, wine, beers, bacon, broccoli, celery, carrots, beans, spring onion, red peppers, salad, cheese, anchovies, secret chocolate bar for emergencies, did I mention wine?

White or wheat bread?
Both, probably going mouldy. We waste a LOT of bread, because I only really like it very fresh.

What is on top of your refrigerator?
It's built in. Dirt probably.

What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Glass door, accessorized by unattractive limescale spots.

How many plants are in your home?
About a dozen. One is from a cutting given to me by a friend for my 21st birthday. Another is a cactus I inherited when another friend moved to Washington. He lives in Edinburgh now. I dread him returning to ask for it back, because I'm rather fond of it.

Is your bed made right now?
No - hubby's in it.

Comet or Soft Scrub?
Asteroid? Facial Wash? Que?

Is your closet organized?
Not too bad.

Can you describe your flashlight?
Black, lights up when you press the switch.

Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Glass.

Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No.

If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
Not so much cluttered as full, very full. No chance of getting a car in there!

Curtains or blinds?
Blinds in our bathroom since the lady who lives opposite phoned me up at 7am to tell me that the Builders next door had just watched me take a shower. Frosted schmosted.
Curtains elsewhere (but we only draw them upstairs really).

How many pillows do you sleep with?
One. It's a memory foam weird one. I like it.

Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
Nightlights in the boys' bedrooms.

How often do you vacuum?
Can I plead the 5th? When I can't ignore it any more. Or whenever hubby wears his stupid chenille socks which shed all over the carpet.

Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard. My teeth just destroy toothbrushes, so I'm forever changing mine. Must be small head or I bang my gums and give myself ulcers.

What color is your toothbrush?
Pink and white. With orange rubber tongue cleaning ridges on the back. What a gimmick.

Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
We have a doormat, but it doesn't say welcome. In fact, some animal has been nibbling the corner of it, so I think it currently says 'unkempt'.

What is in your oven right now?
One of those mats which you can take out to rinse off the burnt on gunk. Ha ha ha - yeah, right.

Is there anything under your bed?
No (it's very close to the floor. On purpose, because otherwise I'd stiff all manner of rubbish under there. Glad you didn't ask about the spare bed.

Chore you hate doing the most?
Cleaning the oven. I discovered there are companies who will come to your house and do it for you though. How cool is that?

Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
Yes - office come craft space. My lair. Mwa ha ha ha.

How many mirrors are in your home?
Nine. Now ask me if I glanced in even one before I left the house this morning.

What color are your walls?
Cream mainly. One green downstairs loo and one pale yellow living room which I'd prefer to be cream.

Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
My children?

What does your home smell like right now?
Home.

Favorite candle scent?
Very fussy about scented candles. Currently it's a winter spice number.

What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
I've already given you a far too detailed run down of the contents of my fridge. Weren't you reading properly before? Or is this just to catch me out?

Ever been on your roof?
No. What the hell would I want to do that for?

Do you own a stereo?
Yes.

How many TVs do you have?
One.

How many house phones?
Are you going to burgle me?

Do you have a housekeeper?
No. Well, me I suppose. But I'm not sure they took up my references before they employed me.

Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Several. Even one in the loft since our neighbours house burned down. Dodgy downlighters. And ours was built by the same developer. And has the same lights. Oh bugger, there goes another sleepless night.

In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
When we did have to evacuate (see above) we just grabbed a boy each. And then had soul searching discussions later about why Hubby had chosen the one he did first. So glad I was dashing up the stairs at the time shrieking 'get the kids' instead of having to choose which one.

Tagging? When you read these things, do you sit there reading and thinking 'Please don't tag me' or feel sad when you didn't get tagged? I just steal them shamelessly if I want to do one. Suggest you do the same.