Thursday, November 22, 2007

Trouble brewing

Two steps forward, one step back. Mark's ever patient, ever smiley teacher wasn't looking too smiley when she cornered me in the playground this afternoon. I know that look and it's not good.

The irony of it is, I saw the latest episode of this coming. Parents' evening was 2 weeks ago. She was really smiley then, but I told her, trouble was brewing - I have learned to recognise the early warning signs, but I don't think she took me seriously.

This time of year is a nightmare with Mark. The endless Nativity Play rehearsals which bore him rigid, the attacks of the wanties brought on by the proximity to Christmas, the appalling weather thwarting every opportunity to let him burn off some steam outside.

I can't do much about the triggers and I am so utterly fed up with having to cope with the outcome. And so we enter a spiral of negativity, at home and at school, that sweeps everyone along with it, miserable and clinging on for dear life.

The Autism Support Outreach worker is going in to school to observe him on Monday and the Sensory Processing Disorder lady on Tuesday. And on Thursday I am running away from it all to Bath with Hubby for a few days of pretending it's not our problem.


And then, just maybe, I can summon the energy and the insight to get us moving forward again. My newly framed print by Jen of Swallowfield is called 'I feel lucky'. Let's hope it's a talisman.

30 comments:

Crabby Amy said...

It's funny how as the mother you know when trouble is coming and yet it seems no one else believes until the trouble is in full force upon them! How often the warnings fall on deaf ears....enjoy your time away and good luck in the upcoming weeks!

jen j-m said...

your print looks so nice framed! :)

i hope you got a nice little break.

Kristy said...

Mark is so lucky to have a mummy that really tries to understand him. Come back recharged and ready to go!

C said...

I just wanted to send you a hug. My children are adopted and we also have rotten times from November till the end of January. They can't cope with their birthdays and Christmas, conjures up just to many memories. Every year it is slightly better, but we have tough times at school and home and no matter how much I understand why - its always difficult to deal with.

I'm here if you need to sound off!

Lesley said...

I agree with Kristy that Mark is so lucky that you are so tuned in to him and so totally on his side. I admire you so much as I find my two enough of a challenge without having to deal with all the extra issues that you do.
I hope you have a lovely few days away and come back relaxed and healed,
lots of love Lesley xxx

Allison said...

But do you know what? You are doing something about it. And even if the situation itself isn't going to get better, and even if this time of year is always going to be a challenge, you are learning the skills to deal with it better and that in turn is going to make it easier on everyone. Yourself, Mark and even his smiley teacher.

(And by the way, being able to run away for a little bit does count as one of those skills, it's much harder to do than it sounds)

Lindy said...

I hope the break is just want the doctor ordered. This will pass and things will look a bit more positive... I hope.

www.bigbucketgirl.typepad.com said...

Oh my heart goes out to you..truly. With our eldest we get to see warning signs of a 'bad time' coming but can't do much to stop it! What our man finds so hard is the injustice in it all. One of his biggest issues is that his short term memory is virtually non existent and on a bad day...he genuinely can't remember doing things. In school when he gets reprimanded or punished etc it is a spiral that exhausts and confuses him.
Sending you enormous well wishes for you and mark. xxx

Cathy said...

The change in routine and mounting excitement this time of year is so hard for all children to cope with - and must be extra difficult for Mark. Hopefully the teacher will heed your warning next time. Have a lovely time away and relax for a few days.
Cathy XX

rebecca said...

Kristy has said it all - enjoy your break!

French Knots said...

You will always summon up the energy, because that is what you do as you are his Mum. Don't feel bad for being fed up, perhaps the school will learn to listen to you next time. Hope that a few days away helps.

raspberry said...

hmmm... you know this sounds just like me in the past, and with our current little problem maybe the future!
You are doing everything right, and Mark is so lucky to have you as his mummy, someone who understands him :)

Going away for a few days is exactly what you and Mark need, so don't worry.

I would also add that I'm totally with Mark on Nativity Play rehearsals being boring, they are, you can't dress them up as anythng else, unless of course you are Mary or Joseph, and then of course you are only one step away from being in the West End!!!!

Big hugs :)

Rouxhauser said...

this time of year is hard for my kids, it must be that much more so for mark. wishing you a relaxing bit away. i'm sure jen's print brings luck your way, how could anything that great not?

Christie said...

Enjoy your break. This is such a crazy time of year, smooth sailing could not be expected...

tiel said...

just go and have your break..guilt free and remember that it is just stages and good times are right around the corner.

dottycookie said...

Enjoy your break - you deserve it! - and I hope you can all work through this. Not so long till the end of term now - hopefully once you've made it through the next few weeks things will start to pick up again.

janet clare said...

Go and enjoy your well earned break and come back fully rested for the weeks ahead.
All these assessments etc will eventually lead to you getting some help and some more formal coping strategies. School will listen to you now I'm sure.
You sound like a lovely, caring, understanding Mum to me and you will get there in the end.

meg said...

oy.

i hope your break helps!
xoxo

Momma Pajama said...

Thanks for the comment! Enjoy your getaway - reconnecting with your partner is a good strategy! Prayers to you and your men.

monica said...

yeah, why don't people believe you as a mother? YOU KNOW. I know when something is coming up and it gets really tiring to keep saying to people "I told you so". I think it's because people choose to delude themselves/hide the head under the sand in the hope it goes away/fingers crossed she's wrong. Makes me so mad.

I'm going to Harrogate tomorrow to THAT show I missed in London due to excessive family vomit.

Hope your weekend is fab and enjoy the time with hub!

lina said...

Hope you enjoy your break. Sounds like you could do with some time away and distractions. Bath is one of my favourite places.

Megan said...

It's a tough road, huh? You are so, so wise to take rest breaks along the way.

Amy said...

awww - sorry. Hugs and happy battery charging.

Victoria said...

Oh Ali, big hugs across the miles to you all xx Everyone has already said it so well here but you are doing a great job, school will learn to listen and things will get easier I promise (and believe me, there were many days when I never thought that would be true!)

We're all here to listen so post away my lovely about the injustice of the world from a mummy's point of view.

Enjoy the weekend and promise me NO TEARS!! You are going to be just fine xxxx

julie said...

It is great that you can read and interpret the warning signs Ali. You're obviously tuned in to Mark's particular autistic traits and understand him well. Unfortunately, like you say it doesn't mean that you can change the outcome - a bit like standing in the road waving your arms to stop a 10-tonne truck with no brakes! I hope that going away for a few days gives you a big boost in energy which is the hardest thing to hang onto in the face of such trying periods. We find winter hardest too - a cominbination of being cooped up, long dark evenings and generally a feeling of oppression dominating everything. I really hope things improve soon and that the 2 'professionals' visiting this week have some practical and useful input. All the best x

nuttnbunny said...

Oh sweetie! Just keep breathing deeply.

martha said...

oh how crummy. it is so frustrating when no one else sees what you see in your kids and mama always knows best.

Ink and Indigo said...

My brother's severely autistic, and this time of year is always the most difficult for him and us: the darker days come suddenly and bring along a host of other disturbances of routine. I hope you all feel better soon. x

feather nester said...

Ugh, sorry you're all having such a tough time right now. I hope you have (had?) a refreshing break in Bath. Hugs to you all and hoping this troubled spell will pass quickly and as smoothly as possible.

Maddy said...

When I began to read this post I knew what was coming, I too have an autistic son and I experience that same *smile* from teachers ... often.

We have had some good success with shortening his playtime and lunchtime and also setting him an "after playtime" routine. He finds it hard to settle down once the noise and atctivity of play are over.

I'm happy to pass on what has worked for us, just email me at dunster1 at optusnet dot com dot au.

Maddy
www.madelinedunster.com